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 houses with eyes to watch as autumn deepens  ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo  amazing autumn - the red wall dances with the waves  |
autumn brook -
the silence of sunshine
on stones
. LOOK ! .
My PHOTO ALBUM from Okutsu Autumn 2007
Read my Haiku Archives from 2007
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Beautiful Lake
奥津湖の
銀波に映える
紅葉かな
Okutsu lake
red leaves reflected
in silver waves
Sakuo Nakamura
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Posts
6 comments:
How beautiful the red wall that is shining from wave moving.
sakuo.
woooooooooooow
just like eyes
boooooooooooooooow
etsuko
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cherrypoetryclub/message/32219
or the eyes of people watch because
it is getting colder outside
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/cherrypoetryclub/message/32225
a house with eyes... now this is cool, Gabi. There is something
scary about it too.
It seems to me you have caught the haunting spirit of Edgar Allen
Poe's, "The House of the Seven Gables", a horror story if ever there was,in just THREE lines of verse in a haiku.
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Thanks, my friend from Canada.
GABI
Let me suggest to you minor changes to your poem:
ablazing autumn...
red walls dance
with waves
In English poetry the strategic use of articles is more "poetic". Your original has a strong image I very much enjoy... autumn...red... waves. I hope my suggestion is helpful.
Chibi
autumn...
lake waves reflect
on a red wall
Chibi
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